I have an exciting announcement to make. As regular readers will be aware, I have now been
driving in the USA for over a month without incident and with increasing confidence. I have celebrated this miraculous achievement with the acquisition of a wrong sided vehicle. Oh yes, dear friends, I now have wheels!
For the mechanically minded among you, it is a 1999 Volvo S80 T6. For everyone else, it's navy blue and has heated leather seats.
Even the Volvo service department gave it two thumbs up, so its maintenance record beat out the competition hands down. The car has been so meticulously cared for that the dealer advertised it thus: "One owner, cream puff, would be the best way to describe this car in four words or less." I'm still not sure exactly what that means, but I gleefully christened the car the H.M.A.S. Cream Puff on the very first day.


Admittedly it's not a particularly sexy choice. It's responsible and grown up and very, very safe, but I am having some personal issues associated with the purchase. I don't even like lawn bowls!
My self image is not quite at the Volvo stage of its life cycle. An Audi A4, Saab 9-3, BMW 3 series, anything topless - this is how I saw myself in the last gasp of my twenties, driving across the USA on a voyage of personal discovery. A Volvo S80 is how I saw other people in the last gasp of their thirties, dropping off their kids at soccer practice or, worse, in the last gasp of their seventies, pausing forever at a stop sign while the frustrated people in the exciting cars behind them despair of getting around the corner while they're still young enough to enjoy it.
I have decided that the only way to offset this outbreak of vehicular maturity is to engage in acts of personal recklessness in and around the Volvo. The stereo offers sufficient volume and clarity to broadcast obnoxiously loud music through the windows and sunroof as it rolls by in all its conspicuous dependability. The spacious back seat provides ample opportunity for all sorts of thoroughly reprehensible behaviour in this exemplar of motoring respectability. The back seat of a Volvo - could sex be any safer? I'm even considering a daring respray - perhaps
Kill Bill yellow or
Kermit green would liven things up a little? My only hesitation is that my little Volvo driving hat might not match the new colour scheme.