Carnival Cruise - Paradise

The best ever birthday present was a three day trip aboard this Carnival Cruise Funship.

I’d never been on a cruise before, so I didn’t know what to expect. My experience on this ship, optimistically christened “Paradise,” went a surprisingly long way towards fulfilling the promise of the name. I really knew I’d enjoyed myself when it came time to get off the ship and I didn’t want to go, even before I saw the queue at immigration.

The cruise departed from Long Beach on Friday and headed down the coast that night. We spent Saturday on a shore trip in Ensenada, Mexico, then Sunday at sea, meandering back up the coast. Time “at sea” has important implications on a cruise because different laws apply once you are a certain distance from the shore. Escape from taxation and gaming laws are of particular relevance to a ship of this type, with its casino, auctions and many opportunities to make duty free purchases. Relaxed laws combined with a stop in Mexico means that this cruise offered almost unlimited potential to indulge in common human vices.

The ship itself offers a variety of entertainment options. I skipped about three quarters of the available range in my three days and limited myself to shows by hilarious onboard comedians Lance Montalto and Seth Buchwald, a lecture on collecting art, a “Name That Tune” contest, the gym, the deck, an art auction, four meals a day, a variety of bars with and without live music and a towel folding class.

The towel folding class is a product of the popular Carnival tradition of staff creating origami animal shapes from towels in the staterooms. Photographs of two samples left in my room are below.

The towel origami class instructed a group of guests in how to make an elephant and a dog. Applying considerable personal creativity, I adapted this demonstration to invent original designs for a lopsided elephant and a dog with a broken nose.

The Cruise Director cheerfully announced at the start of the cruise that guests from over 100 countries were among the 2,500 passengers, but the overwhelming majority that I encountered were US citizens. The real multicultural presence was among the staff. We were served by people from Brazil, Indonesia, Thailand and the Philippines, and that’s just the ones I got talking to. The Cruise Director and art auctioneer were British, another art dealer was South African and their assistant was an Aussie. For all the US passengers, I only met one among the service staff and even he was new to the ship.

One of the best parts of my cruise was the very last thing I would have predicted. Those of you who know me well will be as amazed as I was that I slept better onboard the ship than I have slept anywhere for many, many years. As the Fijian Flu steadily receded I finally eased into holiday mode. This relaxed state combined with the influence of the choppy winter seas on my bed in a surprising and deeply soothing way.

So impressed am I with the pleasures of sound sleep that I’ve decided to abandon my San Francisco dream house in favour of something more nautical. I’ll have to either get a job on a cruise ship or find someone with a houseboat who is looking for a roommate. In the absence of any skills that would pay well on a cruise ship, I am now putting the word out. People with houseboats, apply here. Will work for sleep.

Overall enjoyment rating for the cruise: 5 thumbs up. Special thanks to the two and a half people who lent me their thumbs.