Disneyland

Patricia and I seized the opportunity to visit the Magical Kingdom of Disneyland while Dad went off to work. I have to admit that I entered the gates a cynic. I was quietly excited, but expected to be disappointed.

By the time we left I had been totally brainwashed into a brightly coloured euphoric daze. I danced out the big gates with a hundred photos, singing Disney songs and wearing Mickey Mouse ears. For one strange moment I caught sight of my silhouette, with camera bag and mouse ears, and realised that I had been entirely consumed by the tourist spirit.

I am now a Disney convert. Worse, I am a Disney evangelist! You must all go to Disneyland as soon as possible, and you should take me with you when you go. To all who come to this happy place – welcome!

We started our journey with a walk through the 50 Years of Disney museum. The attendant was a gentle and dignified font of Disneylore. We also saw a brief documentary about the park and its history. It was a good way to begin.

Next, we walked along a street of a thousand retail outlets, a shrine to the spirit of Disney commercialism. Almost immediately and entirely bizarrely we came upon a massive socialist style mural in Tommorowland. In the capital of capitalism the future is apparently Das Kapital. If only Diego Rivera could have seen this.

I obviously made my socialist observations a little too loudly in Tomorrowland, because the man caught up with me in Toontown. Fortunately, prisons in Toontown aren’t all that constraining.

It was still Christmas in Disneyland, with decorations still up all over the park. The “It’s a Small World After All” boat ride was particularly festive. Dolls representing all the nations of the world got into the Christmas spirit in an extraordinary display of cultural imperialism. Apparently, there will be universal tolerance and acceptance among the peoples of the earth when the rest of them join in the observance of Christian religious holidays. Nice message for the kiddies.

The other great disappointment of my Disney experience is that I missed the last chance to ride on the Mark Twain paddle steamer around Tom Sawyer Island. For a longstanding Twainophile this was almost too much to bear. With tears in my eyes I begged the security guards to let me jump the ropes and chase the disappearing memory with my camera. In true Disney spirit, security helpfully raised the barrier and I captured the dream, if not the experience.

But, that small logistical glitch aside, the Disney hospitality was faultless.

We went on all the rides.

This one twice.

That’s Patricia hiding behind me. She obviously knew something I didn’t.

It was hard to go from the Happiest Kingdom back to the Dodgiest Hotel. Dad warned me that they didn’t have indoor toilets, but I wasn’t expecting this.