Friends from the Cruise

I’d like to introduce my loyal blog readers to my two new friends from the Paradise. These guys are the most fun people I met on the cruise, and two of the most fun people you could ever hope to meet anywhere. Here is a photograph of them “playing” in the America Bar.


Lance (left) is one of the two stand-up comics onboard. Exhausted by his rigorous performance schedule of an hour and half spread over the three day cruise, Lance fills his copious leisure time with part-time entrepreneurship and special guest vocals in the bar. He is captured here giving a moving rendition of Eric Clapton’s song “Wonderful Tonight” with slightly modified, “R” rated lyrics. I won’t reproduce the words out of respect for sensitive readers, but many among you will have the opportunity to hear me singing this version at late night parties. The innovative adaptation of a possibly familiar tune to create a new song titled “The Girl from Hiroshima” was also explosively funny.

He now lives in Los Angeles, but Lance’s hometown, and the source of his steady stream of Creole jokes, is New Orleans. He’s a keen observer of people and a lot of his humour is a kind of comical cultural commentary, like describing NASCAR as 300,000 rednecks in a circle. He suggested on stage that the name “NASCAR” is not really an acronym of National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, but is actually a product of the southern accent - as in “That’s a NASCAR (nice car).” I’d love to tell you more, but Lance gets paid to do it much better than I ever could. I don’t want to steal his material for my massive international blog audience, or risk diminishing the experience if you should ever be fortunate enough to see him perform. If you are so lucky, go up and say hello. He’s a sweetheart.

One of the most delightful things about Lance’s company is the joy and enthusiasm that seeps out of his pores and forms a puddle around his feet. Although his humorous output is prodigious and machinelike - so many laughs per second – it’s the way he squirms with pleasure that is most charming. It’s impossible not to like Lance.

Tim plays the piano and saxophone (not simultaneously) and sings in the America Bar on the ship, but I think of him as another onboard comedian who just prefers to sit down. As lord of the piano bar Tim is a warm and entertaining host. His unusual, but winning combination of anarchic humour and cheesy charm combines with total mastery of his domain - “I hear everything that happens in my bar” - to create the best hang-out space on the ship. The anecdote that captures the essence of Tim for me is a story that Lance told me. Before each cruise departs there is a compulsory life-boat drill. All the guests are required to take their life jackets, find their emergency meeting point and rehearse while they’re more or less sober what we all hope they will never have to duplicate once they’ve really started drinking. During the rehearsal, and presumably the real thing, the crew wear little green caps. Tim got a bit bored during one particularly prolonged life-boat drill and started tossing his cap up into the air. A self-important official with limited English aggressively challenged him for his misbehaviour: “Why you flip? Why you flip?” Tim looked him right in the eye and exclaimed “Fun ship? Hel-lo!”

As we would expect from the piano man in the America Bar, Tim is a Canadian. He’s had an immensely varied career as a chemical engineer, wine-maker, teacher, musician and any number of other things before he found his way to the Paradise. Depending on your perspective this suggests that he’s extremely versatile and interesting, or possibly just that he can’t hold a job. I don’t see why they can’t both be true.

One of the most charming things about Tim is his determination to get the most out of every moment. The reason he is such fun to be with is because he’s genuinely having fun, and he’s committed to fun as a lifestyle choice. Tim told me over coffee that since the 80s his income has dropped by about 20% per decade, but his enjoyment has increased by a far greater proportion. To Tim’s way of thinking, that’s a substantial profit and I can’t bring myself to disagree. For me, meeting Tim was an inspiring and timely reminder of the way life should be lived: joyful and fearless.


Here the three of us strike an unnatural pose with my trophy from the "Name That Tune" competition that Tim runs in the bar. I didn't really deserve to win, but music trivia king Lance was my secret weapon, whispering obscure song titles in my ear. Tim, as competition arbitrator, generously elected to ignore this blatant coaching and awarded me with this little plastic piece of ship. I will treasure it always, as soon as I remember where I left it.


Dad really got into the America Bar mood, finally finding the spiritual home of the only lighter he could buy in Monterey. So natural did it seem there, and so keen was he to get rid of it, that Dad presented the lighter as a gift to one of the waitresses in the bar.

Warmest regards from Dad, Patricia and I to both Lance and Tim. I thank them for the pleasure of their company and I sincerely hope that we will meet again. Keep in touch and be sure to look us up if you’re ever in Fresno or Sydney.